– by Lodene Van Blerk

My mother was 22 and a newlywed when she found out she was pregnant. She was ecstatic, but my father was not. I was conceived on their honeymoon. My father didn’t want another child as he already had two children from a previous marriage, so my father proceeded to make arrangements for my mother to have an abortion, which was still illegal at the time.

The first abortion attempt
The first time my father tried to abort me, he drugged my mother to take her for the illegal abortion. When they got to the place, the money he had was not enough, so they went back home. A few days later, he snuck some medication into her tea that made her very dizzy and sleepy. Early that morning he took her to another town close to Johannesburg; they drove on this dirt road while the sun was coming up. My father stopped the car at a farm, with long walls and a tall gate, and told her to get out of the car and to ring the bell. He gave her an envelope with R3000 in it and told her to give it to them. As she stood there, drugged, waiting for the people to open the gate, she started to pray a silent prayer. This old woman opened the gate and took the envelope and she put her arms around my mother and led her to this room far from the main house. She let my mother lie down on the cold floor. This woman injected my mother with a solution called ‘Saline Amniocentesis’. She then tried to puncture the uterus with a knitting pin, but couldn’t find the uterus. She told my mother to come back after 3 days and with more money. She helped my mother back to the car, where my mother told my father what had happened and what the woman told her.

A heart-breaking situation
Back at the house, my father hired a man and woman to be by her side whilst he was at work, and help her through the process to make sure that the abortion was a success. He phoned the house regularly to get updates from these people. My mother started getting pains and felt nauseous. The pains stared to fade and the man and woman left with their payment. My mother phoned my grandfather to come get her and he rushed her to the hospital. There, the doctor told her that if something should happen to the baby, she would go to jail. It was there that a young mother’s prayer really began. The promise that was made that morning was kept by my mother and by God. My father went to fetch my mother from hospital and at the house he moved her to the guestroom. After a week my father packed all my mother’s belongings and dropped her off at my grandfather’s house. My father didn’t allow my mother back into the house again, and he passed away a few months later in a car accident. 

Pregnancy complications
Later in the pregnancy, there were complications and my mother was rushed back to hospital. I was born with an emergency C-section. The news from the doctors broke my mother’s heart. They told her that the baby is alive and they are going to rush the baby to Johannesburg hospital to the emergency care unit, but there is no hope. She came to me, where I was in an incubator and was completely blue. That’s where we had our first moment, she put her hand though the glove to touch me, and I put my hand on my mothers.

My mother’s prayer
My mother went to the bathroom and cried out the prayer of a mother’s heart for her child to live. I spent 3 months in an incubator, born premature because of the abortion attempts. Her promise to God was that if He could give grace and mercy to this baby [me] and let her live, she would love her with her whole heart and protect her from this world, and God must use this child for His glory and His Kingdom, this child must be an instrument for God.

God’s intervention in His timing
My mom protected me so much I didn’t even know about her painful journey, until God decided it was time, His time. Late one evening I was visiting a pastor’s house and his wife came to me and asked if someone in my family murdered someone, or was there an abortion? The next morning I phoned my mom and asked her. Her response was as cold as ice, “Who told you?”. I told her what had happened the previous night, and she just said she would tell me everything when she was ready.

God transformed with His love
A few months later, my mother told me what had happened. As she finished her story, she asked me how I felt. My answer was shocking to us both. I told her that it wasn’t for me to judge my father, and that we can’t expect Godly principles from worldly people. I was at peace! I had the truth, and all the feelings that I felt for so many years finally made sense. I had felt neglected, that I didn’t fit in, I didn’t belong. I didn’t have any friends, I always kept to myself, that way I would avoid being judged. I was depressed and I felt alone. All of those feelings left me when the truth came into light. I didn’t fear people anymore, God just blew His love into my heart for people and souls, a love so deep you really get to understand why Jesus gave His life for us.

God knitted us in the womb
After that, when I had my alone time with God, I just sat and cried. Not for what my father did, but for what God did. I asked God, “Father, how could you love and care so much about a foetus that hadn’t drawn a breath yet or made it into this world”. He responded, “I have loved you before I put you in your mother’s womb”. I am still amazed by God’s love and mercy.

Reconnecting with lost family
Because my mother had protected me so much, I never knew my family on my father’s side. I knew I had an older sister and that my older brother had passed away. Since I was a child I had searched for them, but couldn’t find them. I had given up, until one late evening when I was playing around on Facebook. I thought, well let me look one more time. I found a woman with the same name as my sister, and my aunts and uncles were on her Facebook friends list. I sent her a message. In December 2017 I met her, 2 weeks after I contacted her, and then a few months later I met one of my aunts. They didn’t know about the abortions, but I got to know my father through their eyes, through their stories. I met them at the right time, God’s time. When the truth came to light and I had my alone time with the Lord, He just blessed me with a new family who love me for who I am.

Inner anger
Before I knew the truth, I was angry towards my father, and I didn’t know or understand why. There were times in my heart where I had fights with him, although he had died before I met him. I knew there was something wrong, but then one day I knew I just had to forgive him, although I didn’t know why. If I was to be free, I had to. And then, when the truth came out, all the emotions made sense, and because I wasn’t angry at him but felt sorry for him and still honour him as my father, I was free. I wasn’t supposed to be here, not with 3 attempts at abortion, but I am. I wasn’t supposed to tell this story, like many others, but I can and I do. God’s grace and love is enough for me.

We need God’s truth in this country
God loved the idea about you so much, He just had to create you! It’s that simple! Don’t steal life, it is not yours for the taking.
280 000 abortions were done in South Africa in 2018, legally and illegally. That is almost 800 lives lost a day and it’s increasing. 3262 Girls age between 10 and 14 gave birth 2018 in South Africa. I am not going to throw stones of sins, because it is not my place. But I want to educate the youth about abortions, and provide counselling. We need the truth because God is truth and we need healing. We need to listen to the beating hearts of innocents.

Fathers can be victims too
We think it is only women and the unborn that are affected through abortion, but it is not. Men are also affected. We don’t think of the fathers of these children. We really need to stop and think about this for a second. Not all fathers want their children to be killed, yet they don’t have a say. Many fathers don’t even know that the woman is pregnant. 

So much wrong information
I love my parents and I do honour them for who they are, and God wanted me to have them as my parents. Yes, my dad made the wrong decision, he was still young and no one told him about the impact that the abortion would have. Many people make this decision because they are not educated in the right way, but the wrong information is going out. I honour my mother for she did not only save my life, but my generations to come. She is my warrior for life.

Here is the truth
As an abortion survivor, here is the truth: I was there, I was the baby. Yes, I did feel it. Yes, I did feel the emotions. Yes, that decision did have an impact on me for the rest of my life because life was granted to me so that I can share this with you. May my testimony also bring life to others, as life was given to me by grace and mercy.


Article source: JOY! Magazine

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